Run to his embrace*

My exhausted body was an obvious sign that the day wasn't exactly going to be something that I just skated my way through. My neck all the way to my feet ached from the lack of sleep that my mind had cheated me of the night before. And just as I made my way to the kitchen and opted for a protein bar with a diet mountain dew filled with God only knows how many toxins and ingredients that are nothing even close to natural; I should have known that I was setting myself up for failure.

     Drive Abbi to school I told myself and make it to the gym; after that it's easy sailing. So I did just that, dropped off the prettiest, most red-headed, green eyed fifth grader in all of Missouri and kissed her head and delivered a funny joke to make her smile as I rolled back up my window and drove off. I had to see her smile as she headed in those glass doors to start her day~if that didn't happen; a good day for me usually didn't happen. "Touchdown", I thought to myself as I saw those perfect red ruby lips laugh with a beautiful smile as they headed in the door. I felt better already. But what was happening? Why did I have a lump in my throat after seeing that smile and driving off?

     I headed toward the gate to hand the same gate guard my id card that I do every morning; it seemed like such a silly thing to do since he knew my name without even looking and always said it before even taking my id from me. And of course, once again, we laughed at my same goofy joke that I give to him every morning. He would ask me if I was going to lose the same two pounds that I'd lost last week and gained back on the weekend and I'd smile and say, "you got it" and then I'd drive off until time to do it again tomorrow. It was so ridiculous but for some reason even after a million times; it still made us both smile.

     The lump in my throat from the "getting too old" red headed smile was finally starting to fade thanks to my faithful front gate friend so it seemed perfect to finally be pulling up in front of the gym. I rolled my sore body out and packed up my water and music and mouth guard all like a wrestler going to fight a fight or an olympian going to conquer his greatest feat and I headed to the place that always rescued me from the worries of my life. But today was different; as I turned on my music and started my workout, the irritating "your battery is low voice" reminded me that my tunes would soon expire for the day. I looked at the eager marines around me and opted to leave than hear whatever they had to say to each other or me once I unlocked myself from the security of my earphones. This is when I knew my day was going to be a struggle...

I decided I'd charge up my music a bit and just run. I felt like I needed to run to free whatever the stress was that was trying to take over my weary mind and body today. I got things ready and headed to my trusty start spot and realized that I'd forgoten my headphones~strike two I thought as I put the key in the ignition and headed back down the road to get them. I ran in the house and grabbed them and made my way back to the car. The phone rang with a number that I didn't realize and of course the red-headed beauty that Id kissed moments before had forgotten something so I had to go back to school to deliver it to her~strike two, failure to pack everything she needed. Finally, I headed back to my spot, earphones and music in hand and I hit start on my gps....ahhhhhh, it felt so great even from the start as my feet pitter~pattered away down the road......but then, the music was only in one ear...I shook the wire, tugged at the earpiece, beat my Ipod but it just refused to play, so I refused to run and my chest grew heavier. I gave in to defeat as the tears streamed from my eyes.

     I'm sure to the world around me I must have appeared to be quite the pitiful runner as I walked and cried back to my car. I'd needed my music and my run today more than any other day in such a long time. It had nothing to do with exercise but with the comfort of exercise. I felt it's embrace for a few seconds and then as quick as it came; it slipped away, so I cried and then I cried some more. I cried as I walked and when I got to my car; I layed my head on the console and I cried some more. I cried for the town that I'd come to love that I now had to leave and I cried for the red-headed fifth grader that was growing up way too fast. I cried and I cried for all of the things that I just can't seem to get right and I cried for all of the things that I'd finally managed to get just right.....and then I got back in my car and found my way to another set of earphones....

     I put them in my ears and dried the red eyes that still refused to stop delivering warm salty tears to my lips and I ran... And as my now sniffly nose breathed in the smell of the beautiful Missouri trees around it~I ran some more. I didn't time myself for I was beyond needing this run to prove to myself that I could beat a previous time or reach a certain mileage. I simply just needed to be held by it's arms as I pitter~pattered my way down each road not caring when it ended or which one I took next. I could feel my chest get lighter and my eyes getting dryer as the miles passed; the embrace of this feeding of my soul never letting go but holding me still as I glided through each winding path in front of me. I knew that few would understand what I found on these paths as the world drove by around me. Things that they found on church pews or altars with pastors standing over them praying for their healing. But me, I needed my feet to take me there...for them to pitter~patter me to him even if it took 3 tries to finally make it to the start and 6 miles to find him waiting for me on the other side. But he was always there for me no matter what I'd done, where I'd been or what state of weariness I'd found myself in....maybe it's because he's a selfish God and he wants my full attention or maybe because I just feel like I want to run to him so many times in my life. I suppose only he knows but as long as I find him there; I will run with the legs that he gave me to find him with.........and love him with the heart that he planted in my chest to love him with....and when I depart....I will leave him with the worries that thanks to him; I no longer have to worry with....God is so good my friends, "Run" to him*

The Years that Matter

Do you ever really think about how amazing our minds are? They can help us, hurt us, and sometimes they can run straight away from us. I know from experience that from time to time we allow our minds and our ever-emotional heart to have too much power. We indulge in the misery that the two of them together can sometimes deliver. But did you know that we don't have to? It's true believe it or not. It turns out that the only things that make us miserable are the things that we allow to make us miserable. The sad truth is that I have let many things make me miserable many times. I could have used this bit of info at the start of my teens and my life would have been a lot easier!

However, I suppose that's how the Good Lord plans things. The lessons that we learn during our foolish years are lessons that mold us to be wiser in the years that really matter. The only responsibility we have is to decide when we are officially ready for our years to matter. Yep, turns out that decision is up to us as well. An amazing thing happens when we finally decide that we are ready for our "wiser" years; right at that very moment we become wiser.

 If it hasn't happened to you yet, be patient; it will. It will be when you least expect it. It will hit you all at once one morning when you are washing your face and beside your eyes you see a few lines that you hadn't seen before. You will cuss them for showing up and reminding you of the years that are quickly passing by. And when you look again you will see the lines that trace every laugh that has ever forced your mouth to smile. You'll sigh that such happy moments must leave an imperfection behind.

The true test, however, is what happens when you look back one more time before starting your day. You will know that the "years that matter" have arrived for you if you simply laugh at how ridiculous you've become.

You will allow your mind to ponder the moments that have left their stamp on your face. Moments that make you smile again because they can't be replaced. People you have loved that are now gone away. A little hand that grabbed yours because they wanted to play. The one that promised forever to be by your side. The times you were awful because of your pride. The many times you frowned and yelled way too loud. The way you felt when you saw your little one for the first time; you've never been so proud. And now before you in the mirror is your map, of places that you've been and things you can't take back. But in front of us lies the road that we have yet to see, that holds the secret to a wiser you and me. The amazing thing is that it was here all along; waiting for us to find it to fix our wrong. Our Dear God with all of his might, loves us when were awful and loves us when were right. So my dear friend take but a day to be a better you and live another way. And when life makes you foolish simply try again; for he loves us despite ourselves-our true and faithful friend.

"A reason to hope"

As I poured the "less than filling" protein shake into a glass to fill my grumbling tummy; I shook my head at the nerve of the scale weighing me in a pound heavier this morning. My legs ached, my back was so sore I could barely stretch and even my feet needed some major TLC after running 5 miles yesterday. AND I GAINED A POUND! I was seriously feeling sorry for myself as I yelled at my phone for buzzing me an email.

I needed something to distract me from the buttery english muffin that I was considering so I picked up my phone and read the notification that awaited me. "The General's Wife's Rememberance" was the title of the message that interrupted the pity party I was about to have for myself. I knew the news too well since I'd heard about it days before. The wife of a soldier or should I say the wife of one of the Army's best soldiers; a General. I'd thought of her days before when I'd heard this terrible news. I'd pictured her standing at her husbands side at events not really understanding the traditions of the Army but knowing her place very well. But as I continued to read; I learned more about her than I'd ever imagined.

"The daughter of a retired soldier" she was raised a military brat; and of course I had to think of my own little red headed girl that is growing up much the same way. "She served her country for 21 years"and I had to sigh as I realized she was but a warrior herself. Shortly after she was married and was a giving military wife and mother for 27 years. I could see her now this beautiful soul that I'd never known but my eyes now cried for. A daughter, a wife, a mother, and a soldier that served her country for 21 years herself and then another 27 by her husbands side.

She will be remembered for her warm smile, soothing voice, soft and accepting heart and infectious state of happiness. "Infectious state of happiness" I thought to myself as I stood there pondering the many things that should have me in this state right at this very moment. I continued to read about the wonderful 4 children she'd raised and the unselfish way she continued to give to her country. And then I read of her last 15 months here and the special bonds that she developed with cancer survivors as she fought to survive herself.

Beautiful and Gracefully she walked through the doors of Walter Reed Hospital handing out copies of Dr. Michael S. Barry's book, "A reason for Hope". Once again fighting to help others while never losing her beautiful soul. And just when I thought this rare gem of a woman could give no more to those that she's left behind; she asked for donations in lieu of flowers to help with the continued fight against cancer. I suppose a flower would do little justice to a woman of this magnitude anyway so they will hardly be missed. Unlike this angel that God sent here for 49 years to spread her wings and now fly away.

Once again I am reminded that Angels do live among us. We sometimes miss them until they are gone because they make such a small fuss when they are here. But when they are gone, their message is still left behind; and we forever have an angel we have never met lingering in our mind.

"A reason for hope" is what this angel wished to give ...

A reason for us to smile to laugh and to just want to live...

A reason to be grateful though the days are sometimes tough...

A reason to believe that there will always be enough...

A reason to know that Angels really do exist...

For what else could explain a woman as rare as this?

That even in her last days when she shouldn't have been able to cope...

She wanted nothing more than to give us "A reason to hope"...


In honor of Barbara Corrinne Inch, the angel that lived among us from October 1st, 1962 to February 1st 2012.

Decisions...

Have you ever really thought about how many decisions our "already busy" minds have to make every day? And have you ever took a minute to think about how many times we make the same stupid decisions that lead to the same "stupid" consequences? Finally, once you've actually took a minute to ponder that; do you just sit there and say to yourself "what in the hell am I doing"?

We all have and I'm certain that we all will again, unfortunately. But have you ever stopped right at the moment that you saw yourself heading down "same stupid decision" avenue and hit the brakes right there in the middle of traffic? Did you smile when you saw the accident in front of you that you never let happen? And didn't it just feel absolutely amazing to take control even though you thought it would feel better to lose it?

Decisions can make our lives happier or more difficult. Sometimes the decisions that we make can even make us fatter (like having that 2nd piece of pie) when we should have stopped at one. Fortunately, the only consequence of such a small indescrepency is more time on the treadmill to burn it off. But tonight I wish for you all to think of the much bigger decisions that effect you...Those decisions that effect someone more than you.

We all wish for beautiful rainbows without a cloud in site. We want people to love and respect us and for God to treat us just right. But have you ever really thought about the part of that happiness that we control? I believe that sometimes the things that we pray about are not delivered because we fail to deliver. I believe this is true because I've learned to slam the brakes and see for a moment the pain of an "almost mistake". You must be cautious when you ask the Lord to help you not to make them again. For it is then that he will paint those many faces so clearly for you to see...that foolish decisions effect more than just me.

So my hope for you my friends on this very late night.
Is that you can avoid decisions that you know just aren't right.
For no one can hide from them for very long.
And when we ask for help again the Lord may just move on...
Not because he doesn't want to help us turn ourselves around...
But maybe simply so he can show us the destruction of a decision that isn't sound...
So take a single second and maybe count to ten...
And ask yourself should I make this foolish decision again...
I'm certain you will see the faces that paint your world...
maybe with beautiful green eyes or the perfect little girl...

And as you walk away with the consequence you will never face...
The feeling you will have will be one you cannot replace...
For there is nothing as rewarding as the place you didn't know..
The people you never hurt and the way you finally decided to grow..

{shall we all do our part, one by one to make this world a better place and happier place for those special people that decorate our small worlds}

"Reach for the Stars because sometimes you might catch one"

Sometimes you have a dream but it seems too far away...

So you tuck it in your pocket until another day...

And just when you'd forgotten you wished it would come true...

Right there at that moment it happens to you...

You stare at your name on the page that's all your own...

And smile at the words that helped you when you were alone...

And then it came though you tried not to let it appear...

running down one cheek the warmest little tear...

And though this was a happy tear with no sadness in sight...

somehow it just fit and seemed to be just right...

so this is once again just a little rhyme...

to celebrate this small dream of mine...

So find my little book; it's sitting in the store...

and as you read the one that made it through the door...

I will be here writing the book that has not one page but many, many more...

(Just a little poem to celebrate being published in the World Poetry movement's new book Stars in Our Hearts, Moments found in every book store in the U.S. and online) "Reach for the stars my friends because every now and then-you just might catch one" JGIRL

Run..

My legs are happy as my fingers talk to you tonight my friends. They are thrilled to be resting on the quilt that has blocked the cold of the soft leather chair that they rest upon. However, they are only happy because I am not moving and I assure you; they are not looking forward to the time when I have to get up from this comfy seat. The only good news of this pain is that it is the result of two "almost 5 mile" runs in two days. Which is quite a victory after hybernating like a warm bear from the winter cold. And not only is this good news but now that I've come out from my winter hybernation; I just can't seem to get enough of the road that is in front of me.

Sunday morning was my limit-I'd gone as many times as I could go on one of those "keep me warm" cardio machines in the corner of the gym. I just couldn't stare another moment at the tv or the wall in front of me while I struggled minute by minute for the session to be complete. I needed to be a part of the road and watch the sky and the trees pass by as my feet pitter-pattered to an unknown path. And even if the sky was still cold and the frost still dusted the grass-it was time to give in and be a part of it; so I did.

I stood there as the cold turned my nose a hue of pink and smiled at the frosty sky... I couldn't wait to take off, though I didn't know why...And just as these thoughts crossed my pondering mind...I left them there far behind...For now there was no doubt as my feet climbed each hill...That I'd wanted to be here simply for the thrill..To be a part of something that will never change...despite the cold the heat or the rain...The beauty of the earth even when it's bare....is amazing to witness as we run from here to there...So sometimes take a chance and think of nothing but the things..that will always be no matter what life brings...The sun and the sky the hills and the trees...the simple things that God made for you and me..Lace up your shoes and run through them slow..no need to go fast-as long as you go...

"Out with the old"

Do you ever wish you could just start over? What if we could erase all of the mistakes we made over the past year as if we'd never even made them? Well friends; I am here to tell you that we can. Right now, just simply toss them over your shoulder and tada....your good as new. Ahhhh, feels great doesn't it?

The New Year is promising as we enter the first day purged of the year before. We can see ourselves making better choices already. It's as if the arrival of 2012 has offered us a chance to get it right again. So...here we go; may we not mess it up this time.

My hope for all of you is that you savor every beautiful day of our New Year. And should you see yourself heading toward a choice that your certain you will regret; simply take a moment to rethink it. Choose to be a wiser version of yourself this time around. We, as a single human being are nothing to most; but are everything to some. Find those that you are everything to and forget the rest of those who account you as little importance in their lives. Simply toss them over your shoulder with the mistakes that no longer exist.

Then, take a deep breath, smile a big smile as you look toward the heavens; and thank the one who gave you another year to be a better you..and then when you wake up tomorrow-thank him again.

Day by Day, Moment by Moment, Laugh by silly Laugh....
I wish all of you Happiness in the days yet to come, Happy 2012 My beautiful friends.




I love you all, JGirl

A very special "exhausted" Christmas...

"Exhausted" is probably the best way to describe the way I feel tonight as I pitter patter my fingers away on the keyboard;in an effort to visit all of you tonight. And the reason I'm exhausted is not because I beat myself up too much in the gym (of course I did that too); but my exhaustion tonight comes from a "much too long" shopping trip.

However, I am proud to announce that I have successfully found what I consider the perfect gift for all of the special people in my heart that I "gift". I even made my way to the kitchen to bake Christmas yummies and smiled as I thought of delivering them to the sweet people that deserve that very special sweet treat.

Christmas usually falls upon us that way. It sneaks up on us year after year and we look around and the final week is upon us. We run around for hours trying to find the perfect treasures to give to those we love and our hearts are heavy and burdened as we fight for parking places and places in long lines. Finally, we discover that we have finished and we let out a sigh of relief. We wrap all of our gifts in beautiful bows and set them under our dressed trees.

We make our way to the kitchen and bake the yummies that have defined us year after year. And finally when they are finished and the house smells in their yummy delight; we collapse on the nearest sofa and nestle ourselves against the arm.

And just as our tired eyes give in to a little nap..
We ponder about this and think about that...
we see all the faces that we see no more...
remembering all of the Christmas's that we've had before...
and that's when we realize that "exhausted" is a must..
to finish all the things for all of those who trust..
that we will do our best to make the season just right..
in case we do not get to share another Christmas night..

So please remember my little tired peas..
that this special Christmas before you and me..
is not promised in the years to come..
so give until your "exhausted" for this very special one...

The truth...

<

Sometimes the truth can be hard to swallow. And "swallow", I assure you is a term that I use very lightly tonight as I write to you about the truth. You see, my truth is that lately; I've been "swallowing" too many yummies and simply blaming it on the beautiful lights, christmas trees and just the joy of the season.

It leads me to wonder how I will ever survive the "real" Christmas season that will be before me in just a few short weeks. So, just like any emergency that we have to prepare for I have taken the steps to survive even the toughest of holidays and when I say holiday; please rest assure that I am referring to "Christmas" and the New Year! Yes, "Christ" still lives in my season my friends; and most retailers have become more afraid to say Christmas than they have cookie; it's a sad affair!
Step 1- The Camera....
The camera will never tell you the lies that your friends will. You see, "the truth" of the matter is that your "friends" love to see you pack on a few pounds before the holidays arrive. I know it's a tough thing to accept, but as women it's just a fact of life; if we are going to get fat-we want someone to go there with us. So step number one is to grab your cell phone, put on the bikini that you once rocked and yes, snap the picture!

Step 2- Remove the snowman screensaver
Step 2 is almost as important as the first step my friends. Remove the cute snowman that you've assigned as your holiday screensaver and put up your "not rockin" winter bikini picture. If that doesn't save you from having too much pecan pie then I'm just not sure anything will save you.

Step 3- Use your imagination...
The final step is the simplest step of all. Simply imagine yourself after the Holidays stepping on the scale to the very same weight you started before the tree even wore it's lights....ahhh now that's a very Merry Christmas! Which is exactly what I wish for all of you!!

I love you all, Jgirl

when we fall...

As I write to all of you tonight; there is something that I must confess. I have fallen into a hole. As a matter of fact the pit that I have fallen into is so big that every time I think I have a tight enough grasp on one of it's portruding roots to pull myself up; I only slip back down into the darkness that surrounds me.
I suppose this is an occurance that happens to the best of us from time to time. We are superstars at work, superheroes in the gym, and the best Mommies, sisters,daughters,and wives that we can absolutely find the energy to be every day. But then one day, we wake up and we're, well..."tired".

And we shouldn't be "tired" because it could mean that maybe we are somehow "failing" those around us or even ourselves. And what woman of our modern world could possibly live with themselves if they did that? I mean what would people think?

As those simple thoughts crossed my mind; I made my way into the kitchen and upon my little plate I layed a fat slice of the most sugar-filled cheese cake that I could find. Everything inside me said that it was beyond sinful to do such a deed but as my fork made it's way through those creamy crumbly layers I couldn't help but smile as I fell a little further into my hole. The taste was absolutely divine and I laughed as I thought of myself taking a nap on the couch instead of running the 4 miles that it would take to burn all of it's yummy calories away. And before I closed my eyes at barely noon on a Monday; I polished it off with a yummy glass of milk that wasn't skim. :)

Yes my friends, these indescrepancies have been with me for about a week now and the scale is no longer keeping my secrets; so some cardio is definitely in my near future. However, sometimes the hole that I fell into was a bit comfy, sometimes even cozy with a cherry on top. And believe it or not my friends there really are no "superheroes" no matter how much some would like us to believe that they are. So my advice tonight is this; if you fall into a hole every now and then and you just can't seem to climb your way out of it; then maybe it's just not time to come out yet. Maybe just maybe we should grab a quilt and a piece of something yummy that we shouldn't have and then give in when our eyes want to rest at the wrong time of the day. Maybe just maybe that is still okay...I mean after all we are perfect Mommies, wives, sisters and friends every day...

"our children have much to teach us"

Have you ever just took a moment to watch the expressions of a child? Do we even realize the wonderful things we can re-learn just by spending the day taking our little people in for a few hours instead of nodding when they ask a question instead of really listening to what they have to say or show us?

I believe that we forget sometimes exactly what a "hug" is until a little pair of arms offer us one for no reason at all. The excitement of a pair of open arms running down a hall with an accompanied giggle until they reach our neck is hardly equivalent to the "hugs" a busy life has taught us to expect as we've grown older. Unfortunately, more times than not; our busy lives only encounter a "hug" when something tragic has happened and it usually comes with tears rolling down our faces. How wonderful it is to just receive a real genuine "I love you so much I ran down the hallway" hug from our little people.

The same is usually true for that of a kiss. We've all had that "magical" first kiss or even that dreadful "goodbye" kiss as butterflies flew in our tummies or pain shot through our "broken" hearts. But, have you ever tasted a "too sugary" still covered in sticky lollipop kiss as a set of sticky lips puckered to give you an "I love you forever" kiss? We cringe as we see the red lollipop faces running towards us but smile as we say "ahhh" to their happy,yummy "too sticky" faces. We later recall exactly how yummy those kisses were as we sit in a college parking lot crying as they wave goodbye. Now that's how a real "goodbye" kiss feels my friends...

And finally, I am brought to the simpleness of holding a loved one's hand. What usually comes to mind is the first hand that gave us a High school ring to wear as they interlocked our hand for the first time. It gave us an identity, made us cool and forced our hearts to flutter for the love that we "thought" we'd found only later to find out we'd found nothing at all but an average idiot. It may even bring to mind a smile for the one that slipped a ring on our finger to promise to love us always as we for the first time shared the same last name. But, have you ever walked as you held two tiny hands in front of you because they couldn't walk by themselves? Did you laugh as they giggled with excitement that they were walking on their tiny feet for the first time? Or even as you watched them become a beautiful little "big" person do you remember getting to be the person that still held their hand when someone had broken their hearts? And did you think then how lucky you were to have a sweet hand that would always reach for yours no matter how "big" they thought they'd become?

My friends life is a journey that none of us will ever be able to quite explain. It is a road with ups and downs and simple straight ways and a million dangerous curves. We will have our hearts bursting with joy at moments and broken only moments after. But the good will always return and the bad will never get to stay for long. However, our children and the little people that we love are here with us right now and sometimes we should just take a moment to see what they have to say...to watch what they still have to teach us...We should give in to a lollipop kiss every now and then or even run down a long hallway with our arms wide open waiting for them to land inside of them....even if it's covered on each side with college sweatshirts...

"even if no one ever sees it"

I'm not exactly sure, but I think I probably ran across the fascination of "Facebook" about 2 years ago. Actually, now that I think about it; that was exactly when I joined the silly social networking site. As a matter of fact, I believe that is close to the time that I no longer fell sound asleep as soon as I turned in at night. I even think it was the same time frame that I started worrying if my life was exciting enough or if I was successful enough. I have to admit that some of the pictures that my "friends" posted of their too big houses and too extravagant vacations did have a way of making one feel too exhausted to even read anymore.

And the fact of the matter is that my "friends" actually were people that I barely could tolerate 10 minutes with in High School and sometimes even people that I knew I'd never met face to face at all. So a couple weeks ago, I actually took a minute and looked at the faces listed on my "friends" list and thought about how many of them I actually considered a "friend". The count was completed with just the fingers on my two hands. I went back and counted the "friends" that I felt I needed to "impress" and that completed the remainder of the list.

I'm not sure why we have the need later in life to prove to anyone how cool or successful we have become. I thought about the calmness of my life before deciding to share my moments with the "facebook" world. So, I decided to end this online social invasion of my life and I simply walked away.

I must admit, it took a few days to get used to not having the updates of when everyone was headed to their Dr's appts, lunch dates, first days of school, dreaded days of work, grocery shopping, hair appts or even when they were signing off to take a shower. I was certain that I would miss some of the entertainment of their busy sometimes even angry days....but you know what? I didn't.................

My phone was quiet as if I were hiding out in my own little world that no one could disrupt. I went for walks every day with my little girl and no one knew but us. We stopped half way and jumped on the playground swinging as high as the top of the tree and she laughed and giggled for no one but me. It reminded me of the days when I didn't even know facebook existed. Thinking about it now; I have albums with pictures of those days. They were days when we took pictures and had them printed out and sealed in albums so that we could pick them up and laugh at how silly we were while we munched on icecream with goofy sunburned noses.

Those were days of running to the ocean before anyone got there so that we could get the best spot. The days when the only important thing to remember was sunscreen and the cold watermelon that we got ready the night before. Simple times when happiness didn't have to be posted on a page to show the world how great your life had become. The days when it was "simply" wonderful even if no one knew it but you.

I am reaching for those days again my friends and the truth is....it's "simply amazing". The simple truth of the matter is that when we spend too much time trying to share our simple happiness with the world it can become exhausting. We can feel as if we are almost performing for those that will be watching. Our lives are just that my friends, "our lives" and if we don't stop spending so much of our time making it perfect for our "friends" to view........We are going to miss getting to view it ourselves. "Share" your moments with those that you love and that love you back not the audience that is waiting to "comment" on whether they "like" your simple life or not...For all that matters is this moment, right now, for us...in "our" life...and in "our" hearts even if no one ever sees it...

The "blessing" of the things we recall...

There comes a point in your life when you realize:

Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won't anymore...
And who always will.
So, don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you

I read these words right after my phone dinged its usually email ding this afternoon. Funny how it was right on time with what my thoughts were pondering today. I suppose what's not so funny is that the Lord had to send an email to get through to me today; when I should have at least sent him a hello or even a thankyou upon the fortunate event of opening my eyes again this morning. I humbly apologized after reading the words that fit my day so perfectly.

I do believe we spend too much of our time recalling events of our past. Sometimes things can make us sigh at the thought of someone that is no longer a part of where we are now. An event as simple as a birthday or anniversary can make us wish for the date to change; so that we can successfully check the block off that we made it through it; without even a phone call. It helps us to feel stronger; like we've moved past something that maybe never should have been at all. However, it doesn't change the fact that this day next year; we will still recall the same event once again and probably sigh at the thought..

But wouldn't it be easier if we were a bit more grateful for the blessing of our memory? I've known many "less than young men" in my time;that were living their final years in a dark confused world with no remembrance of the life that shaped them. It's a sad thing to witness both for the person suffering as well as the loved ones that through no fault of their own; can't be remembered. I do believe that in my opinion, it is the saddest disease of all.

Memories can be good, bad, happy and sometimes sad; but they are ours for the keeping. We can look back on them and see the faces we miss, recall the times we were together, or sometimes even celebrate that we never have to see them again. They make us stronger, help us realize times that we were really foolish, and sometimes they just help us remember the places that we have been and the places we never intend to return.

But without them; we become lost, sad, and confused without direction; much like the little old men that suffer from alzheimers. So may we be a bit more grateful for the life that our minds store for us as we move beyond the events of our past. May we always remember what mattered, what didn't, what doesn't anymore and what always will....and when there is an event that we are certain "always will" no matter the few minutes of sadness; may we just embrace it for a moment and smile at the thought...even if we sigh...and when the same event comes around again...may we simply smile again for the blessing of a missed friend...

for "Sara Beth"

I sit here still sweaty after a short Sunday run on a hot Missouri day. It's funny the songs that entertain me while I pitter patter mile after mile. And I am certain that the average runner would delete my playlist and start over in their search for a more motivational selection. However, the songs I choose are what comforts my mind as it races mile after mile with thoughts. This morning those thoughts were for Sara Beth..

First of all, I must confess that I truly don't have any friends or acquaintances by the name of "Sara Beth", but I do believe that I have seen her in the faces of many people that I've known. I had to listen to the words of Rascall Fatts more than once this afternoon as I heard him sing of a little girl with a bruise that refuses to go away. He sings of how the doctor tells her we've caught it in time and 6 times in ten it won't come back again...and how Sara Beth closes her eyes. And I saw her there with her "too little for this eyes" as they closed. My mind painted a picture of Sara Beth as my feet ran for her and hoped that any trace of cancer in her body would be chased away...

And as I continued to run, I heard him sing of the hair that she gathered in her hands...more proof that she couldn't deny...and Sara Beth closes her eyes. Finally, he sings as she dances at her prom with her first true love and without a hair in sight on her "too tiny head". Her eyes closed once again celebrating the survival of the places that she's been as she danced for where she is now and for the new part of her life she gets to begin...

I believe that we sometimes forget those of us that are truly suffering because of the petty stresses that we believe we are facing every day. Everything from a spouse that's not perfect to a clock that moves too fast for the events we have planned for our days. We sigh at a little girl that refuses to keep a clean room when there are parents that wish their little girl had the strength to destroy her room every day. I say we step back for a moment, maybe even as we do our morning run and remember the blessings that the Lord has blessed us with for they are so many...

And when life does seem to be giving us more than we can handle; we should just close our eyes and maybe even pitter patter our feet...and think of a little girl that no matter how sweet...Had to face cancer and put up a fight..and dance at her prom on such a special night..with a little head that didn't have a hair...but she just closed her eyes and danced without a care...For if we really look beyond what we normally would see....We would be in awe of what God's given to you and me...thank him my friends and dance...

The Shadows of our lives...

The past can sometimes haunt us with the many ghosts that live there. And as much as we try to move past them, sometimes they refuse to leave us alone. Regret, pain and anger are just a few of the things that live within their shadows.

We wake up day after day, doing much of the same things as we did the day before. We go about our days running errands, spending a few hours at work, and smiling at the many faces that this life has surrounded us with. But sometimes something as simple as a song can trigger the shadow of one of the ghosts of our past. It can take us back to a moment that was lost or a day that will never return or even a time that wish had never been at all.

We can wish it away or wish for it to return or simply wish that it had never occured. But regardless of our wishes, it will always be there; always a part of us and always an occurance that we made it through. Sometimes if we look really hard in the shadows; we can find something good that came of this ghost that refuses to leave. And if we try really hard to look past the dark black shadow; we might even see a reason that it should stay with us. Memories come and memories go; much is the same for people that pass through our lives...for it is just that; our lives.

We can't change them; the things that make up the picture of what our lives are. However, we must remember that the portrait is not complete and although we cannot erase some of the marks that we have made on it; we can add colors so bright and so loud that eventually we wont even see the small marks that drifted off the page.

It's never too late to make the portrait of our lives a beautiful rainbow..we have to move forward but never forget what's behind us..Our ghosts can only haunt us if were afraid to face them. Look back for a moment if an odd happening leads your mind to look back...but only glance for a moment and then smile when you see that you can simply store it in your mind and look away...And smile as you look at the new version of yourself that is looking at you today.........

"Yellow"

I had to stop by although I don't have long...I wish I had time to chat or even sing a song..but since you cannot hear me I found another way...I wore yellow- to brighten up your day...So here's a big miss you hug- okay a kiss too..to keep all of you company until I'm back with you...So until I return with stories yet untold...I was hoping you could just be "yellow" and do something oh so bold...like walk up to someone and simply say Hello...and tell them they are beautiful and that your name is "yellow"...and when you see them laugh insist that it is true...that "yellow" is your name because it could never be "blue"...For life is too colorful to be the darkest shade...and with just a funny gesture a better day is made...and if we all do this simple little task...we can change the world and maybe even laugh...

(feeling silly...I love you all, JGirl)

your ability to change and morph...

I read the words today when my horoscope popped up in my email. "Your ability to change and morph is essential to your happiness". I've thought on many occasions that my horoscope was a pretty accurate explanation of the occurances in my life but after reading those words and recalling some things; I knew that it was right on cue.

I believe that there are things in all of our lives that we wished we didn't do. I am certain that if we could all have an opportunity to re-do some things or even take back some things that have taken place that we would do that as well. The only problem is; we don't get that opportunity. We have to learn to accept our mistakes and move past them. We have to make a stand not to repeat them again in the days that are here and the days that have not yet come. And just as the Lord insists that we forgive others; we have to learn at some point to forgive ourselves.

So we do. We forgive ourselves and we start a journey trying to find the person that we long to become. We search and search in books and in other people along the way. And then one day when we least expect it we see that person looking back at us in the mirror with the same eyes and smile that were there all along. The only difference we can truly identify is that of the heart and the transformation that it has made along the way. We breathe out with ease and awe of what stands before us..Then we simply fall to our knees.

And we look towards the sky..and we ask for nothing no how or why...we just
thank God for finding what was ours all along..the ability to chose right and not wrong..And we know that we feel him looking down with such a glow...that one of his children took the time to know...that we can be whatever we decide..if we let go of our self made pride...and humbly walk to the altar and kneal...to the Lord our God who promises to heal............

"Old Man Time"

Have you ever felt that you had to do something for the better of your life even though you knew that it would hurt before it got better? I believe that not only have we all been in this situation, but that in fact it is more than likely a scenario that will occur again and again in life. Or maybe if we really took that time to think about it, it is life. However, I'm certain that we all have to admit that it is never easy, but then again hasn't it been said a million times that life isn't easy? And knowing this, I can't help but wonder, why are we always surprised when it's not?

Sometimes things take us by surprise when we are finally learning how to go about life without whatever it is that we chosen to let go of. We wake up in the same bed, drink the same yummy coffee and smile the same morning smiles to the same little faces; that make our mornings worth waking up to. Time can be quite rewarding if we are patient enough to let it heal whatever it is that has shaken us up a bit. It teaches us to appreciate the smaller things that surround us and to find something, anything to occupy our weary minds in the moments that they want to reach back and try to grasp whatever it is that we were forced move past.

There are times that our minds insist on us going backwards, but the strength that we have allows us to move past a single moment and soon we are able to be grateful that we didn't reach. However, every now and then right before us is something that we can touch and we do find ourselves reaching out because it is right in front of us. But more likely than not, we usually predict the same outcome and are forced to grab the same shield that covered us in the days before...........

And once again the something that we left is the something that is here....so we push it away once more and wait for it not to be so near....We beg for time to pass but it always goes so slow...but if we can make it just a while, we know the pain will go.....for there are no things in life that we cannot live without....there are only things that make us want to cry or shout...but if we let old man "time" take it's mighty course...we can move past fear, loss or even remorse...And even if that "something" comes our way again....we can call on old man time like a much needed friend....and just like the many times before...he will make us new and our happy selves once more...so never settle for something less than you.......move past it and in just a little time, you'll be amazed what even you can work through..........

slow down...

This is the third time I have tried to start a sentence and couldn't come up with exactly what I wanted to say to all of you this afternoon. I have so many thoughts in my mind that sometimes they all rush to the finish and for the life of me; I can't determine who won. I believe life can be that way sometimes as well.

We have so many things to do that sometimes we just don't know where to start or if we will ever finish. Yesterday becomes today and tomorrow has to be pushed off until next week. But we never take a minute to wonder if we will even have next week. We simply disregard the day as a tragic event that never has enough hours. We blame it on the need to save for tomorrow so we can give to our kids so they never have to borrow. We work and we work so they have more when we are no longer here, but what about the present when they need us near?

So maybe this little blog still is not sure what it wants to say...or maybe it just wants you to worry about today..In hopes that you will take a minute or two...to let hugging someone be something that you do...or maybe even sit down at the end of the day...with a warm cup of tea listening to what someone has to say...for little do you know when your running from here to there...that the someone with that tea might need to see you care..So slow down a little friends in case tomorrow doesn't show...for wouldn't it be so sad if the ones you love didn't know?

"it completes me"

I love to run outside; to be surrounded by the green trees, paved sidewalks and the smell of honeysuckles all around me as I pitter patter through my beautiful Missouri hills. It makes my cardio a bit more welcoming, more like a rejuvenating experience instead of a gruelling sweaty chore that I can't wait to complete.

I've just started running again for 3 months now after taking some time off.
The experience this time around has been everything that I'd hoped it would be. It has been theraputic and quite a stress reliever on most days. I finish feeling refreshed and just a little bit more like the Jena that used to run races and walk away with first place trophies so many years ago.

I must admit though, that this time around the only trophy that I care to receive for running down windy "too high hill" trails is just the satisfaction of completion that it gives. Weve all heard the saying that somewhere there is another person that "completes us"; I believe this to be just another line for fairytale movies that never really make sense in our realistic lives.

It is only when we realize that "We" are the only ones that can complete us that we can take control of things that we once couldn't. I believe that the pure joy of exercise can do this for many of us. It is something that we "do" for ourselves to "complete" ourselves. It is a fulfillment that no person can provide for us but ourselves.

So my hope for all of you is that you would use your bodies to heal your minds. Run a few miles or walk a couple blocks down a road that bares nothing but you and your hungry soul. Don't stop until you feel that you have been fed so well that your heart and soul may burst. "Complete" yourself by allowing your heart to become stronger as you go mile after mile. If you keep working it day after day; it will adapt to the workload given.

A stronger heart, what could be a better reason than that to lace up your running shoes? In a world where a heart is broken every 10 seconds, shouldn't we make an extra effort to protect ours? Never stop running my beautiful friends; for if we stop, we will never "complete" anything..........