"even if no one ever sees it"

I'm not exactly sure, but I think I probably ran across the fascination of "Facebook" about 2 years ago. Actually, now that I think about it; that was exactly when I joined the silly social networking site. As a matter of fact, I believe that is close to the time that I no longer fell sound asleep as soon as I turned in at night. I even think it was the same time frame that I started worrying if my life was exciting enough or if I was successful enough. I have to admit that some of the pictures that my "friends" posted of their too big houses and too extravagant vacations did have a way of making one feel too exhausted to even read anymore.

And the fact of the matter is that my "friends" actually were people that I barely could tolerate 10 minutes with in High School and sometimes even people that I knew I'd never met face to face at all. So a couple weeks ago, I actually took a minute and looked at the faces listed on my "friends" list and thought about how many of them I actually considered a "friend". The count was completed with just the fingers on my two hands. I went back and counted the "friends" that I felt I needed to "impress" and that completed the remainder of the list.

I'm not sure why we have the need later in life to prove to anyone how cool or successful we have become. I thought about the calmness of my life before deciding to share my moments with the "facebook" world. So, I decided to end this online social invasion of my life and I simply walked away.

I must admit, it took a few days to get used to not having the updates of when everyone was headed to their Dr's appts, lunch dates, first days of school, dreaded days of work, grocery shopping, hair appts or even when they were signing off to take a shower. I was certain that I would miss some of the entertainment of their busy sometimes even angry days....but you know what? I didn't.................

My phone was quiet as if I were hiding out in my own little world that no one could disrupt. I went for walks every day with my little girl and no one knew but us. We stopped half way and jumped on the playground swinging as high as the top of the tree and she laughed and giggled for no one but me. It reminded me of the days when I didn't even know facebook existed. Thinking about it now; I have albums with pictures of those days. They were days when we took pictures and had them printed out and sealed in albums so that we could pick them up and laugh at how silly we were while we munched on icecream with goofy sunburned noses.

Those were days of running to the ocean before anyone got there so that we could get the best spot. The days when the only important thing to remember was sunscreen and the cold watermelon that we got ready the night before. Simple times when happiness didn't have to be posted on a page to show the world how great your life had become. The days when it was "simply" wonderful even if no one knew it but you.

I am reaching for those days again my friends and the truth is....it's "simply amazing". The simple truth of the matter is that when we spend too much time trying to share our simple happiness with the world it can become exhausting. We can feel as if we are almost performing for those that will be watching. Our lives are just that my friends, "our lives" and if we don't stop spending so much of our time making it perfect for our "friends" to view........We are going to miss getting to view it ourselves. "Share" your moments with those that you love and that love you back not the audience that is waiting to "comment" on whether they "like" your simple life or not...For all that matters is this moment, right now, for us...in "our" life...and in "our" hearts even if no one ever sees it...

The "blessing" of the things we recall...

There comes a point in your life when you realize:

Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won't anymore...
And who always will.
So, don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you

I read these words right after my phone dinged its usually email ding this afternoon. Funny how it was right on time with what my thoughts were pondering today. I suppose what's not so funny is that the Lord had to send an email to get through to me today; when I should have at least sent him a hello or even a thankyou upon the fortunate event of opening my eyes again this morning. I humbly apologized after reading the words that fit my day so perfectly.

I do believe we spend too much of our time recalling events of our past. Sometimes things can make us sigh at the thought of someone that is no longer a part of where we are now. An event as simple as a birthday or anniversary can make us wish for the date to change; so that we can successfully check the block off that we made it through it; without even a phone call. It helps us to feel stronger; like we've moved past something that maybe never should have been at all. However, it doesn't change the fact that this day next year; we will still recall the same event once again and probably sigh at the thought..

But wouldn't it be easier if we were a bit more grateful for the blessing of our memory? I've known many "less than young men" in my time;that were living their final years in a dark confused world with no remembrance of the life that shaped them. It's a sad thing to witness both for the person suffering as well as the loved ones that through no fault of their own; can't be remembered. I do believe that in my opinion, it is the saddest disease of all.

Memories can be good, bad, happy and sometimes sad; but they are ours for the keeping. We can look back on them and see the faces we miss, recall the times we were together, or sometimes even celebrate that we never have to see them again. They make us stronger, help us realize times that we were really foolish, and sometimes they just help us remember the places that we have been and the places we never intend to return.

But without them; we become lost, sad, and confused without direction; much like the little old men that suffer from alzheimers. So may we be a bit more grateful for the life that our minds store for us as we move beyond the events of our past. May we always remember what mattered, what didn't, what doesn't anymore and what always will....and when there is an event that we are certain "always will" no matter the few minutes of sadness; may we just embrace it for a moment and smile at the thought...even if we sigh...and when the same event comes around again...may we simply smile again for the blessing of a missed friend...

for "Sara Beth"

I sit here still sweaty after a short Sunday run on a hot Missouri day. It's funny the songs that entertain me while I pitter patter mile after mile. And I am certain that the average runner would delete my playlist and start over in their search for a more motivational selection. However, the songs I choose are what comforts my mind as it races mile after mile with thoughts. This morning those thoughts were for Sara Beth..

First of all, I must confess that I truly don't have any friends or acquaintances by the name of "Sara Beth", but I do believe that I have seen her in the faces of many people that I've known. I had to listen to the words of Rascall Fatts more than once this afternoon as I heard him sing of a little girl with a bruise that refuses to go away. He sings of how the doctor tells her we've caught it in time and 6 times in ten it won't come back again...and how Sara Beth closes her eyes. And I saw her there with her "too little for this eyes" as they closed. My mind painted a picture of Sara Beth as my feet ran for her and hoped that any trace of cancer in her body would be chased away...

And as I continued to run, I heard him sing of the hair that she gathered in her hands...more proof that she couldn't deny...and Sara Beth closes her eyes. Finally, he sings as she dances at her prom with her first true love and without a hair in sight on her "too tiny head". Her eyes closed once again celebrating the survival of the places that she's been as she danced for where she is now and for the new part of her life she gets to begin...

I believe that we sometimes forget those of us that are truly suffering because of the petty stresses that we believe we are facing every day. Everything from a spouse that's not perfect to a clock that moves too fast for the events we have planned for our days. We sigh at a little girl that refuses to keep a clean room when there are parents that wish their little girl had the strength to destroy her room every day. I say we step back for a moment, maybe even as we do our morning run and remember the blessings that the Lord has blessed us with for they are so many...

And when life does seem to be giving us more than we can handle; we should just close our eyes and maybe even pitter patter our feet...and think of a little girl that no matter how sweet...Had to face cancer and put up a fight..and dance at her prom on such a special night..with a little head that didn't have a hair...but she just closed her eyes and danced without a care...For if we really look beyond what we normally would see....We would be in awe of what God's given to you and me...thank him my friends and dance...

The Shadows of our lives...

The past can sometimes haunt us with the many ghosts that live there. And as much as we try to move past them, sometimes they refuse to leave us alone. Regret, pain and anger are just a few of the things that live within their shadows.

We wake up day after day, doing much of the same things as we did the day before. We go about our days running errands, spending a few hours at work, and smiling at the many faces that this life has surrounded us with. But sometimes something as simple as a song can trigger the shadow of one of the ghosts of our past. It can take us back to a moment that was lost or a day that will never return or even a time that wish had never been at all.

We can wish it away or wish for it to return or simply wish that it had never occured. But regardless of our wishes, it will always be there; always a part of us and always an occurance that we made it through. Sometimes if we look really hard in the shadows; we can find something good that came of this ghost that refuses to leave. And if we try really hard to look past the dark black shadow; we might even see a reason that it should stay with us. Memories come and memories go; much is the same for people that pass through our lives...for it is just that; our lives.

We can't change them; the things that make up the picture of what our lives are. However, we must remember that the portrait is not complete and although we cannot erase some of the marks that we have made on it; we can add colors so bright and so loud that eventually we wont even see the small marks that drifted off the page.

It's never too late to make the portrait of our lives a beautiful rainbow..we have to move forward but never forget what's behind us..Our ghosts can only haunt us if were afraid to face them. Look back for a moment if an odd happening leads your mind to look back...but only glance for a moment and then smile when you see that you can simply store it in your mind and look away...And smile as you look at the new version of yourself that is looking at you today.........