I stumbled to the kitchen the same way most of us stumble on Monday mornings as we wonder who stold Saturday and Sunday away from us. I followed my feet as they led me to the coffee maker to brew my first cup of "black only" coffee while I skimmed the pages of the lives of my facebook junkies. I took my first sip, and as I wondered how it could possibly be fair that I chose to give up the cream and equal of previous mornings; I saw a post that made the lack of cream and sugar seem minimal. I stared at the blonde beauty in the blue rhinestone suit with the same heels that I have mastered a million quarter turns in. I read her post a few more times before it truly set in. "First in my class, in my very first show", I wanted to post right away how amazing and flawless she looked on the stage, reaping the rewards of her no yummies for 12 weeks diet; but something in me couldn't yet type the words.
I hated this part of me, the part that had that little inkling of jealousy for the first places that after 6 shows, I've yet to see. I've known that this part of me has existed for quite some time and please don't get me wrong; I have sought help through self-help books and prayers, many prayers. I decided to give myself two hours to decontaminate this demon that was living within me and then I would respond. An hour passed, and I picked up my trustworthy book and read a couple pages, and just so you know it's "Jealousy, the sin no one talks about" by RT Kendall. I read again how many times the author, RT Kendall had found himself in the same position and how he despised the part of him that couldn't just be happy for his colleages.
He even goes to add how he questioned when his friend claimed that the spirit of God was in their church because he couldn't understand why God had not come to "his" church. Yes friends, our author is a very well know minister. I felt like I was amongst good company and not such a wicked soul, but rather a repentful one. I, after all was seeking to rid myself of this pest that lived within me. It can be so painful for us to admit that We are jealous. However, jealousy goes far beyond the happenings of today, and dates back all the way to Cain and Abel. He goes on to explain how the Reverand Billy Graham has made more preachers jealous than you could count-not dozens, hundreds, or thousands, but hundreds of thousands. I began to forgive myself for my mishap and pat myself on the back for the guts to admit to such a thing and share it with all of you.
I made it to my car with my music attached to my arm, ready to rock me through two hours of a workout that may or may not lead me to a first place in 26 weeks. I grabbed my phone and my too pink gym bag and started to head to the place that I was most powerful. I thought of how great I felt on the other side of those doors as warriors watched me do twice as many pull-ups as themselves. I thought of the many times they'd walked up and told me as much and shook my hand. I thought of the pretty blonde in the blue rhinestone suit with the brightest of smiles for the trophy that she'd earned. I grabbed my phone and without an inkling of anything but pure joy from the very core of my now clean heart; I wrote a message right beside the picture that I'd viewed over my less than yummy coffee that morning. I simply wrote "A true, flawless beauty", and that she was my friends...and that trophy well deserved..and at that moment I knew that I meant every word and that the jealousy from the two hours before had moved on and had left my love everybody heart.
As I walked out the gym, I heard my phone ding and I read the message that awaited me. It was the blonde beauty in the blue rhinestone suit with words as beautiful as she was; Simply they read: "Thanks Jena, you are an inspiration to me. You lit a desire in me to push myself to the next level. You are an awesome woman and I hope we meet in person some day." I dried the awesome tears from my sweaty cardio cheek and felt a pang in my humbled heart, and I ran my fingers through my own blonde hair and smiled as I thought of the beauty that had sent those words to me; A woman that was much like myself, living life with a dream of being a champion in rhinestone heels. I smiled as I thought of the beauties that held my same dream and vowed to be more grateful to be in the company of such an amazing, less than ordinary group. Life is so good friends, don't let jealousy stop you from loving and rejoicing in it with the true beauties around you...

The most loyal friend

I love helping others meet fitness. I love when I'm able to bring them face to face for the first time and initiate the first handshake. I'm empowered when I see their eyes meet and sometimes even cry a happy cry together. Sometimes, I just stand at the sidelines and watch them as they live their life together hand in hand run after run or walk after walk. It's amazing how close they all become to him each time I bring them face to face. I enjoy seeing the smiles as they become less dependent on the lifestyle that led them to the misery; he has taught them to overcome.

Few things are greater than the moment a life of entrapment is left behind. Few friends are so loyal as to hold you as tight when you're weeping as they do when you are rejoicing. Fitness manages to do this with every person that I introduce him to. Today, I introduced him to two special women that I have just been lucky enough to add to my world of wonderful women. I don't say "special" lightly because the wife of a warrior is hardly a light job.
It's a lifetime of moments,moments of sadness, loneliness and many goodbye's. It's a baby taking a first step with just a mother's grasp and a throat with a sad lump for the dad that never got to see it. It's a Christmas with a lighted tree and a tiny tot wishing the best of holidays to a dad through a video lens. A first day of school every year with a nervous little person looking uncertain at the same two eyes that never let her down; because they insisted on standing on their own firm ground. The dance he never saw, who knew that she would crawl, the spelling bee she won...his only son..I wish you could have seen; I can't believe she's a teen...The smile upon her face when she won that first race..The mom that stood so tall and proud...amongst the final crowd...or when they threw the cap that matched that final gown...she only had a smile though he was not around...

So, this is why I do the things I'm called to do..For the woman that gives her all for the soldier who's called too..So should you find me on my little chatting blog..and know that this is you that's in the thickest fog..simply grab my hand and that of fitness too...and we will ensure that you make it through...

I sit here with a hollow heart and a grumbling tummy as I write you this afternoon my friends. I'm sad to say that I indulged in a few "I've gotta have something, sweet tooth treats yesterday" that have made me feel less than the superior athlete today. I must admit though, that the usual five high protein low carb meals of my normal diet are on track today.
I'm not sure what happens to make our normally disciplined bodies partake in such garbage from time to time. It's amazing how the person from earlier years can just show up any given Sunday and hi-jack the "I will never eat sugar" perfect being that we know we all are today. It amazes me how we will make deals with our mind and swear to a week of hour a day cardio sessions just to enjoy a little more sugar than our deprived rippled physiques need.
So, that brings me back to the guilt the day after, pretty high up there with a convicted felon or at least that's how you feel when you think about the calories that will now put you behind on your goals. I like to think of myself as a problem solver and so to get over my sugar rush yesterday and walk away from another sugary treat; I decided to write my next column on hidden sugar. I grabbed a bottle of spring water, made my way to the computer and began to research sugar and the different foods it's hidden in.
I was amazed and I slowly forgave myself when I learned of the sugar the average human being consumes every single day. Wow, I am a disciplined rippled machine; my conscience felt better the more I read. The average American eats 156 pounds of sugar a year-at least double what health experts recommend. I stood a little taller in my seat when I realized that even with my "slip up" I was far beyond average. I finished my bottle of water grabbed another and laced up my sugar burning sneaks and pitter pattered until I felt the sugar leave my body. I came to the end of my run wiped the sweat from my sugary brow and smiled at the thought of the taste of yummy chocolate...I realized that an occasional sugary treat is nothing but a moment in life, a chance to live and enjoy...Life is short friends, just run it off and get back to what you know the next day...Fitness is so good, but let's not forget the rest...

So much more than "The Man Upstairs"

I've often wondered why my life always seemed like it was missing something despite how happy I am most of the moments that make it up. I sat for a long time last night when sleep refused to hang out with me and I thought of the "life" that I have created for myself. I thought of all the wonderful people that surround me, but then thought again of how most of them manage to let me down.
I saw myself at the gym time and time again feeding my soul and filling that same empty hole with iron dumbbells until it seemed a little less hollow. Somewhere between those thoughts I dozed off and woke up to the sun of another Sunday morning. I drug myself up off the couch and made my way to the usual cup of joe and tea cup of cheerios that always helped me survive my "no carbs before bed" starving belly; until I was able to make my morning oatmeal. I finally grabbed my warm mix of oatmeal and egg whites and savored each bite until the bowl was empty.
I made my way to the shower and put on the green sundress that I'd fallen in love with and bought the week before. I made it to the car and was surprised to see that I'd actually managed to make it a few minutes early and patted myself on my back. I said hello to the same faces that I saw every week and made my way to the same pew in the same seat that I sat in every week. I opened the book that I knew I should read more and followed along as the pastor in front of me instructed us to do. I heard him clearer this time though; something inside of me could understand all of his words this morning. He said that we all take the Lord "too lightly" and I recalled my earlier facebook post where I identified God as "the big man upstairs". I'd thought it was an appropriately "cool" post at the time but now regretted it terribly.
I heard him as he said time and time again that the Lord God is not a man, and We could not make any back room deals with him like that of a crooked politician. I made a deal with myself to delete the nonsense from my page as soon as I made it back to the computer. We sang "How Great Thou Art" and I looked at the words as I sang them. "O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder, Consider all the worlds Thy hands have made," and I thought of all the runs between the winding paths and beautiful trees and how they made my heavy chest as light as a feather in the wind.
We continued to sing " I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder, Thy power throughout the universe displayed," and I remembered my dance in the rain despite the loud thunder that filled my soul. We sang verse after verse and I carried the words to my heart taking them in this time, though I'd sang the same song many times before.
I made my way to the front and found the knees that performed perfect squats and deadlifts time and time again without error and I knelt and said a prayer and a couple thank-you's to the Lord that was speaking to my overflowing heart. I made my way out the doors and headed home to change for the run that I wasn't able to complete earlier in the week. I laced up my same faithful running shoes and made my way to the same path that led me to a leaner, happier self.
I ran a faster pace this time with no discomfort even further than all the times before. I saw the birds around me and could feel the breeze in my hair. I shutdown the music that I usually needed to survive such a long journey and I just listened to the world around me. My heart so full, but not heavy like before. I continued to run.
I heard the kids laughing at the park I'd passed every day with music in my ears and I thought of how magical this world really is. I realized that what helped me survive all of the things that I'd survived through running paths and thousands of pull-ups was much bigger than I ever knew.
I looked at the big beautiful sky above me and knew that he'd been there all along; holding my hand, dancing in the rain and guiding me through all of the storms I'd survived. I was certain he was there today as well. I recalled the last verse of that beautiful hymn as I walked to stretch my exhausted legs. "And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing; sent him to die, I scarce can take it in; That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing, He bled and died to take away my sin."
I took a deep sigh looked high up at the sky and knew that no matter my faults he would always be nearby....I could scarce take it in my friends...Fitness is so good, Let us not forget the rest....

I sit here at the same desk, sharing my thoughts with all of you once again. I feel a bit different today, a bit more like a writer, I suppose. I'm thrilled to share with all of you that my own fitness column, in a real paper; will be coming out tomorrow. It's funny how proud it can make you when someone notices your talent and appreciates the words that you share with others. I say "talent" because I didn't go to some fancy college to learn to write or even study journalism in high school to improve my chances of becoming a writer. It's just something that I feel in my heart and soul. It goes so far beyond a keyboard and a screen with the correct punctuation. I write for all of you when I am living life. I know exactly what I want to say before I even make it to the computer. I take you with me to the gym on days when I exceed my own expectations, and I have you with me when I run to ecape heartache or rough things that life throws at me. I enjoy sharing these experiences with you and assuring you that life is sometimes a struggle for all of us. It's no secret that I use fitness to not only improve my life but to also move away from it from time to time. It's such a useful tool in this journey that we call life. I've survived more things than most of you could ever imagine by strapping up a pair of running shoes. I can't explain it completely but can promise that your mind can completely move away from the biggest of situations when you start to pitter patter those two feet down a road that holds only you. It amazes me how much lighter your chest becomes as the miles pass. There are few things as satisfying as the accomplishments We can make in our own physiques. It goes so far beyond a perfect black bikini with the tightest set of abs to show it off. The satisfaction comes when you see that first tricep muscle that you built when you were recovering from a friend breaking your heart....Or when you finally make it out on the town in the cutest of dresses after losing the brother that you loved your whole life and you see those tight muscled legs that survived it by running mile after mile the year before...it comes when you know without a doubt that no matter what lies ahead, you will not be defeated. We cannot see what lies ahead on the paths that we travel friends. Sometimes what awaits us can happen so quickly that We don't get to prepare for the blow it will throw us. Fitness feeds our soul, heals our hearts and keeps us keeping on even when We want to fall to our knees and never get back up... I've ran millions of miles on so many different roads of the places that life has taken me. I set a new record last week and did my 140th pullup...a man came up and shook my hand when I got off the bar...He asked how I'd made it to such a high number and told me how great the development of my back muscles were...I smiled with a teary eyed smile and said you should see what it's done for my heart...Life is wonderful friends, fitness makes it better...