the chance ...

I sit here tonight feeling very powerful as I type away the letters that will lead to the words I want to say to all of you tonight. I am 5 days into the preparation of a 31 week journey that will take me across a hardwood floor in crystal heels once again. I have taken an extra step to ensure that my chances are as great as they can possibly be to see if a dream can finally make it's way to my door. I have found greater company to cheer me on and hold my hand through the entire journey with nothing but magical wishes for a dream to come my way....

The beautiful city of St Louis has offered me a show that tests each of the women that will be standing beside me to ensure that we are all on the same sheet. So, the conditions are all in my favor with nothing left but the 31 weeks of work and dedication that it requires to get there. I am up for the challenge my friends.

It's a funny thing how something so overwhelming as preparing for the first show you've attempted in 2 years can help you deal with the stresses of your life. I can't explain it, but when my life is full of things that I can't quite figure out; I always find myself reaching for a dream that I have yet to fill.

Working out soothes my soul and lightens my chest and I'm able to face any hardships that come my way. It gives me a superpower that few will ever take the time to know. My mind can sometimes wander to places that are painful to remember or sad to have to forget. They can make tears fall from my eyes and breaths turn to sighs. They can sometimes make me want to scream out loud or hit something really hard...but no matter how bad or sad they ever are; I can always make them go away.

Of course, that's the thing about working out; it doesn't go away completely just because you made it to your magical place. It numbs it just enough to make you want to keep coming back. However, sometimes when you keep coming back others tend to think it has nothing to do with settling your mind, but instead think of you as having an obsessive mind. This is the moment my friends when you beat them at their own thoughts and their attempts to keep you away.

You tell them about your show and that they must let you be...that you have to put in extra time and that they just must see...and leave you alone to be with just your gym...that's when you work out and forget thoughts of them...and of all of those that are hurting you now..doing things that you just can't see how...and just when you think these thoughts won't let you go...you find the place that only you know..with no one around though the gym has quite a crowd..there's only you feeling so proud...and then you pullup for number 22 and do another but only for you..and you take off your gloves and take in a deep breath...and smile at the wonderful life you have left..and stand there in awe at the moments before... how you couldn't remember what you had to live for...but once again your mind is clear..and focusing only on a time that is near...to walk on a stage with heels shining high..and looking your best though they'd never believe why...because of a mind that needed the chance...to spend time somewhere else so that it could dance...so take me there my weary soul...and heal my heart and give me my goal...