Run to his embrace*

My exhausted body was an obvious sign that the day wasn't exactly going to be something that I just skated my way through. My neck all the way to my feet ached from the lack of sleep that my mind had cheated me of the night before. And just as I made my way to the kitchen and opted for a protein bar with a diet mountain dew filled with God only knows how many toxins and ingredients that are nothing even close to natural; I should have known that I was setting myself up for failure.

     Drive Abbi to school I told myself and make it to the gym; after that it's easy sailing. So I did just that, dropped off the prettiest, most red-headed, green eyed fifth grader in all of Missouri and kissed her head and delivered a funny joke to make her smile as I rolled back up my window and drove off. I had to see her smile as she headed in those glass doors to start her day~if that didn't happen; a good day for me usually didn't happen. "Touchdown", I thought to myself as I saw those perfect red ruby lips laugh with a beautiful smile as they headed in the door. I felt better already. But what was happening? Why did I have a lump in my throat after seeing that smile and driving off?

     I headed toward the gate to hand the same gate guard my id card that I do every morning; it seemed like such a silly thing to do since he knew my name without even looking and always said it before even taking my id from me. And of course, once again, we laughed at my same goofy joke that I give to him every morning. He would ask me if I was going to lose the same two pounds that I'd lost last week and gained back on the weekend and I'd smile and say, "you got it" and then I'd drive off until time to do it again tomorrow. It was so ridiculous but for some reason even after a million times; it still made us both smile.

     The lump in my throat from the "getting too old" red headed smile was finally starting to fade thanks to my faithful front gate friend so it seemed perfect to finally be pulling up in front of the gym. I rolled my sore body out and packed up my water and music and mouth guard all like a wrestler going to fight a fight or an olympian going to conquer his greatest feat and I headed to the place that always rescued me from the worries of my life. But today was different; as I turned on my music and started my workout, the irritating "your battery is low voice" reminded me that my tunes would soon expire for the day. I looked at the eager marines around me and opted to leave than hear whatever they had to say to each other or me once I unlocked myself from the security of my earphones. This is when I knew my day was going to be a struggle...

I decided I'd charge up my music a bit and just run. I felt like I needed to run to free whatever the stress was that was trying to take over my weary mind and body today. I got things ready and headed to my trusty start spot and realized that I'd forgoten my headphones~strike two I thought as I put the key in the ignition and headed back down the road to get them. I ran in the house and grabbed them and made my way back to the car. The phone rang with a number that I didn't realize and of course the red-headed beauty that Id kissed moments before had forgotten something so I had to go back to school to deliver it to her~strike two, failure to pack everything she needed. Finally, I headed back to my spot, earphones and music in hand and I hit start on my gps....ahhhhhh, it felt so great even from the start as my feet pitter~pattered away down the road......but then, the music was only in one ear...I shook the wire, tugged at the earpiece, beat my Ipod but it just refused to play, so I refused to run and my chest grew heavier. I gave in to defeat as the tears streamed from my eyes.

     I'm sure to the world around me I must have appeared to be quite the pitiful runner as I walked and cried back to my car. I'd needed my music and my run today more than any other day in such a long time. It had nothing to do with exercise but with the comfort of exercise. I felt it's embrace for a few seconds and then as quick as it came; it slipped away, so I cried and then I cried some more. I cried as I walked and when I got to my car; I layed my head on the console and I cried some more. I cried for the town that I'd come to love that I now had to leave and I cried for the red-headed fifth grader that was growing up way too fast. I cried and I cried for all of the things that I just can't seem to get right and I cried for all of the things that I'd finally managed to get just right.....and then I got back in my car and found my way to another set of earphones....

     I put them in my ears and dried the red eyes that still refused to stop delivering warm salty tears to my lips and I ran... And as my now sniffly nose breathed in the smell of the beautiful Missouri trees around it~I ran some more. I didn't time myself for I was beyond needing this run to prove to myself that I could beat a previous time or reach a certain mileage. I simply just needed to be held by it's arms as I pitter~pattered my way down each road not caring when it ended or which one I took next. I could feel my chest get lighter and my eyes getting dryer as the miles passed; the embrace of this feeding of my soul never letting go but holding me still as I glided through each winding path in front of me. I knew that few would understand what I found on these paths as the world drove by around me. Things that they found on church pews or altars with pastors standing over them praying for their healing. But me, I needed my feet to take me there...for them to pitter~patter me to him even if it took 3 tries to finally make it to the start and 6 miles to find him waiting for me on the other side. But he was always there for me no matter what I'd done, where I'd been or what state of weariness I'd found myself in....maybe it's because he's a selfish God and he wants my full attention or maybe because I just feel like I want to run to him so many times in my life. I suppose only he knows but as long as I find him there; I will run with the legs that he gave me to find him with.........and love him with the heart that he planted in my chest to love him with....and when I depart....I will leave him with the worries that thanks to him; I no longer have to worry with....God is so good my friends, "Run" to him*