The swing

I sit here tonight, tired legs, aching shoulders and an exhausted heart. My legs and shoulders are just an unfortunate consequence of missing four days in the gym last week; due to a 15 hour trip to Missouri. It's funny how we can deceive ourselves into believing that we will find a gym on the road after driving ten hours before we finally stop. Amazing how powerful we sometimes see ourselves in our imaginations. However, after about 6 hours of driving we somehow seem to remember the importance of rest to grow muscle and decide that this is the perfect time to do just that. On the other hand, that brings us to my exhausted heart the muscle that sometimes will never heal, despite the amount of rest it gets. First of all, I must say, that at the beginning of my final journey from almost Mexico, to the land of my childhood; my heart was happy and healthy and singing all of the 2700 miles that took three days to drive. I'm even proud to say that as I drove up to the little church that held so many of the people that still lived in my heart, it continued to sing and I believe even dance as my little happy heart hugged them all. I'm not sure when my heart became so exhausted but I do think I have a good idea when it might have started to become weary. You see as I walked to the porch of the swing that held me as I complained about my childhood problems; across the lawn next door I saw a little person with the whitest of blonde hair and the blue-est of blue eyes coming toward me; and I'm sure I forgot to mention the dirtiest of dirty little puggy feet that carried her tiny frame without a shoe in site. Little did I know at that moment how she would change my stay into what I had envisioned. Her very first words, I could never forget were "how did you get your nails so pink?", with a shy little smile as she peeped at my toes. I, in return as I looked at the worn polish that was covered by dirt on her bare tiny feet replied, " I painted them with the perfect pink polish", and I asked if I should do hers as well. The smile on her face once again made my happy heart smile. She met me at the door the very next day with those same dirty bare feet ready to be the perfect pink, and of course I obliged. I must say for the 3 minutes that it lasted she had the prettiest white feet with the most perfect of pink toes; I can still see her face and the admiration and gratefulness she had for the few minutes of my time that I gave to her. I learned more about her everyday that I spent here. My swing of my childhood became the place that I listened to the problems of this new little person's childhood. I realized that the stories were much sadder than my own; I think this must of been when my heart stopped singing every song....I watched her walk those bare little feet day after day as I listened to the stories of the Mommy that was going to return to her someday or the grandma that just couldn't wait for her to come to Ohio. However, as I looked at the father that gave her a place to stay that wasn't even her own; I knew that those truths were only in her little mind. I watched her day after day as she returned to the place next door that she slept every day in conditions that I thought were not great enough for a girl of her beauty. My heart even started to ache a bit for her. I felt the need to give her my attention the moments that I had with her and listen to the stories that she told that should be beyond her knowing. I must say, probably the final point that did my heart in must have been when I saw her walking across that same lawn next door with those same little bare feet only in the darkness coming to tell me the latest story of her day. I tried not to worry as I saw the truck backed up loading up the furniture that lived in that little house with her, and for the first time I was afraid to sit on our swing and hear her news. I saw those little blue eyes tell me that she was leaving and it would be soon...it would be tonight...and she thought I looked so pretty....and she would miss me....and as the tiniest of tiny arms wrapped around my neck one last time, she said as loud as those pink little lips could say....I love you...I do believe this is when my heart didn't sing, didn't dance, and just broke right into....There I sat, on the swing that fixed everything....completely helpless, completely in love with a little blonde haired beauty that would forever have the sweetest dirty feet and the cleanest, purest heart of any one person that I have ever known. I sometimes wonder to myself, because I got to know her such a short time and she taught me so very much, if maybe the Lord makes tiny little angels with white hair and little dirty feet to see if we can look beyond the dirt and wash the feet of the angel that stands before us....I do believe this is the case of my little angel as I sit on the swing of my childhood and think of the angel that found me here....Life is so good friends sometimes we even get see angels

Gem in the desert..

I sit here wearing the same straps of the sports bra that kept me dry while I tackled the height of my mountain run this afternoon. I have replaced the cloth with a layer of aloe, but can still see the white straps the sun couldn't reach today; outlined by a rosy pink that should have been given a little more sunscreen. I have recently given back in to the love that I have for running. I began about a month ago getting my feet accustomed again by running the red flat sands of the desert. I discovered along the way that my sleepless nights are less when I pitter patter my feet to that three to four mile journey each day. I love the way the rhythm of my run leads to a night of peaceful sleep. I've thought of many things along the way after double knotting those shoes that just can't wait to take off. I've been everywhere from South Carolina to Texas in my mind as I run. Remembered heartaches and regretted mistakes even thanked the man upstairs in a breathless prayer a couple times for the things I've survived as my feet kept that steady pace. I discovered that running is part of me, an outlet for the things that crowd my mind. My legs and my "keep the pace" feet are starting to outgrow the little red sand route that I found in this barren desert. So today, I had to venture out and take the chance that I would never find alone, another path with more room for the things that trouble my weary mind. I say take the chance, because, it is a rare occassion that I ever find where I am intending to go; another flaw that I think about when I'm running; and another reason that I love it so, because there are no correct turns; you just run. I was lucky today, I found my gem in the desert on my first try. A path in the middle of some of the most beautiful mountains I have ever seen; here in this place that I have cursed since I moved in. I felt guilty for even having the terrible thoughts of my too close to Mexico home, as I ran between the mountains that ran into a big beautiful blue sky resembling the sea. I whispered a labored thank-you to the big man in the sky and held my head down in hopes that he would forgive the beauty that I overlooked, and I ran some more. I made it to the end, looked back at the new desert gem that I would treasure until I left this place, and I thought of how I just couldn't wait to come back to visit tomorrow. Life is so good when you finally find the treasure you've overlooked; and yes, even Mexico is quite beautiful when you take the chance to look around...

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The true definition of strength, beauty and grace..

I sit here tonight after reading a post from one of my friends on bodyspace; a guy with a physique that is obviously credited to hours in the gym much like myself. I read his words and I am stunned as I look at them before me...Beyond phenominal physique and the true definition of strength, beauty, and grace...The words shock me as I read them to myself and prepare a message to thank him for the kind words. I thought of the meaning of each for a moment as I said them aloud to myself "strength", I thought, and I saw the 20 pull-ups I did in one set today as the warriors that I train beside cheered me on; but then I thought again of that powerful word and I saw the many times that I held a sick baby and kissed her warm head until it was cool again despite the hours that passed without sleep. I thought of holding that same baby with rosy happy cheeks as I put my soldier on a plane to go and fight a war that we may never win. I thought of "strength" when I held her as she cried for him so hard that she couldn't catch her breath...I thought of the way I would protect her forever from any harm for all of the days of her life...strength..And then I looked at the next word before me "beauty".I suppose if we are lucky enough to be granted a pair of great blue eyes and we keep our skin out of the aging sun for too many hours a day, most of the female population can pull of beauty..but then I thought again...I looked at the arms before me that had the shoulders that stood high because of the many workouts that molded them to cap over my long lean arms...beauty...I also thought of the same rosy cheeked little girl with hair as red as the desert sand I ran on this morning and eyes as green as the ones on the face of the daddy she adores....beauty....And finally I came to grace...I thought of the soldier that came to me this morning in the gym, just to tell me how great my back was and what was my secret? I, in surprise asked if he was serious and led him to the pull-up bar...insisting that with enough practice anyone could do 20 pull-ups...grace..Then I thought of the little rosey cheeked red headed girl again and how she had grown into a full 9 years old....I cried at the way the years pass by so quickly..the unconditional love of a mother...grace...I finally replied to his message with a reply that simply read "Thanks, those words mean so very much", Life is good friends, fitness is only part of it...don't forget the rest...Live it..

Another Dance...

So today I met my almighty eliptical machine in the same corner of the same gym where we've been meeting for almost a year now. I thought of all the songs I have taken it's mighty arms and danced to, in an effort to take my mind off another grueling cardio session. I thought of my audience that takes the time to read my thoughts as I leave them here unedited and ready to share. I thought of all of you as I made my way half way through again with the help of Michael Buble singing "Save the last Dance" although it was far from my last with 30 minutes remaining; and probably at least enough time to hit the floor with Elton John, Lionel Richie, and maybe even a round with Prince. I had to wonder if the same is true for all of you. I thought of the person that just can't seem to get their diets on track because of an emotional home or a vicious circle of failure, and I danced some more...I thought of the client that cried when she stood before me and asked me to help her find herself under the 300 pounds that now covered her heart and soul. I remembered the girl that came to her first show and never returned because she didn't quite look like the competitor beside her, and I danced a little longer. I remembered the Dad that just wanted to be healthier to run with his kids long enough for a backyard football game, and I danced a little more..I thought of how I could reach them all and tell them that it's all possible; I thought of the clients that finally made it through and became happier and healthier, and learned to dance their own dance...I saw a girl headed toward my machine, looking a little nervous to approach me. I saw her patiently waiting for me to finish with an adoring look on her face... I stepped away from my cardio dance partner and pulled my music from my ears... I heard her ask for my help....I heard the word cancer and recovered and better.... I smiled at her and offered my smile, and told her to meet me on Monday for her first session... I thought of the possibilities for all of you through the little girl that beat the beast of cancer and found the joy of fitness...Being overweight or not at your fitness goals is not an incurable disease; it's just a matter of change....Changing a few eating habits or how long we sit on the couch in front of a t.v. It's going for a walk and enjoying the sunshine...It's eating the foods the Lord made for us instead of bag of artificial chips...It's rewarding your body for getting up and carrying you around or breathing and blinking a million times without a single command. Our bodies respond to what we feed them and what activity we decide for them to do...I'ts simple as that...take the time to take care of your bodies friends and it will pay you back with a happier, healthier life. Life is short enough, when you look around and see that the little person beside you has become just as big as you...take care of your body so that you will be there for the "big" times too...Life is short, Live it to the fullest friends..

I sit here writing this blog as I hover over a warm bowl of oatmeal with only sea salt and a few egg whites that I tore the middle out of, like they would stop my heart from beating if I ate them. I have my "girl" moments when my hormones lead me to a big bowl of chocolate ice cream; or a a few moments in my life,when the best cook in the world; who just so happens to be my mom; cooks the best dish of mac and cheese that this world has ever known and I have to indulge. However, most of the time; I really think about what I put into my body. I haven't always been that way, I think life has taught me to be this way. I've really struggled with my weight my whole life; which is something a lot of my new audience that thinks I'm super cool doesn't really know. I still struggle as a matter of fact. I've learned that you truly do have to pay attention to your diet even more than your workouts. I've taken my physique to a level that I never thought a chubby high school girl could ever reach. It's improved my confidence and I'm able to enjoy more things in life because of my healthy lifestyle; you just plain feel better. When I started this blog today, I was going to share with all of you that I am moving with my soldier to Fort Leonardwood, Missouri and then I was going to say, "So, sorry guys, I won't be able to compete in the show Saturday", and then I was going to walk away satisfied that I had a great explanation that you would all understand. However, when I was dancing the last 20 minutes with my almighty eliptical in the corner; I opened my email to skim through my messages and the one waiting for me, changed my mind completely. It was from a girl, much like myself. Another competitor with hopes of walking across that stage, a woman that openly and honestly has given me the reasons she couldn't this time around. Reasons that all of us encounter like, soccer, and husbands and responsibilities that are more important than planned meals and two a day cardio sessions. A person that thanked me for the opportunity to be inside my head on such a personal journey. I then thought about the chubby girl I mentioned earlier; the one that wasn't so cool in high school; the one that did eat potato chips and burgers and didn't have the genetics to get away with it. I thought of the girls that are just like her, that haven't found their way to fitness or have some person or thing that keeps them from reaching for the fit person their hearts want them to be. I thought of my head, inside my head, and thought I owed my audience more. I'm not doing the show Saturday, and the reason isn't because I'm moving or because I'm busy with work or family; it's just because I'm not ready. My chizzled abs are not accompanied by tight hamstrings; and my 5 years of posing have not yet led me to the perfect routine; and truthfully, the new me that thinks she's so cool can't face another 2nd place. I want first. I've been there 6 times from morning to night; I've been there when they've called me for 5th four times and when they gave me 2nd twice. I know I didn't reach the level to be a champion this time around, and I've been a competitor more than enough times to just enjoy the experience. So my friends, we are all just plain human, no one is beyond failure every now and then. The true test is if you give up; as for me, I have given myself a little more time so that I can capture what it is I want to capture up there.... I want to win, and I just won't give up until that happens. I'm thrilled to be moving to Missouri because of the fact that it is so close to my team at Beverly Nutrition. For that reason, I have decided to compete in the Northern Kentucky which is hosted by the team that is closest to my heart....seems a more appropriate place to reap my rewards...Life is good friends...offer no execuses, or no apologies, just live it for you..to the fullest....

An unrested machine.....

So my friends today I am having trouble finding the girl that you have read about in previous bloggs. The girl that has been moving brick walls and throwing up weights that equal her own has hit a wall today. I've looked for the 'nothing keeps me from the gym girl' all day and she is no where in sight. Instead I see a shadow of her lying with legs up on the couch and the phone off by her side. Her eyes are struggling to stay awake and with every move her defeated body aches. She has given in to the exhausted state her efforts have put on her body. She drove straight past the gym without a blink this morning and drug herself to the shower and gave in to the almighty oatmeal she'd skipped for three weeks straight. Sometimes our bodies fight back and we just have to give in. A machine doesn't continue working without rest; and much is the same for our bodies. There comes a time when the body just waves the white flag and we have to give in and shut things down for the day. As I write this blogg, my body is grateful for the rest that I allowed it to have today. It is satisfied and refueled because of the oatmeal with the small dollup of butter that I gave into this morning. It has promised to repay me tomorrow and for the 22 days that we have remaining. Even a champion is nothing more than an average person that wanted more...Our bodies are all the same and sometimes we have to just take a breather......See you at the gym tomorrow friends.....

The Learned Dance

I started my familiar morning with the metal weights that fit my hands so perfectly. I grabbed them from the rack, put them upright on my thighs and did the final one, two, three with my legs to push them to my chest. I had to smile in awe of myself at how gracefully I throw up a set of 55 pound dumbells. I credit myself on being a girl in the gym. I like to go in, in pink, and workout without grunts and screams and maintain an effortless show for my audience. What those around me seem to forget and much of the reason they will never make their goals is that weight training is much like a beautiful dance. You start tapping your foot and feeling the beat and then you get to learn how to waltz. I always work out to slow music when I lift weights, music that I love; that makes me think about the good and bad. I think of the "One Moment in Time" by Whitney Houston that came on today, and I remember the 22 Pull-ups that I did while she sang to me about that moment....slow and controlled and absolutely perfect like a wonderful dance....I saw the same weight hungry animal jump up there to some music that had words I wouldn't let my daughter hear and I saw his body bounce and struggle to make it to 8. You have to find the peace of training, the joy and the power of controlling a weight that should be too heavy. It's a master of the mind. You learn how to control every movement and how it will effect your body. When I push those 'should be too heavy dumbells', my mind instructs the movements to be felt in my chest and it says don't stop until 10 reps; my chest and arms respond. The body is much like a canvas awaiting a beautiful painting. I have become the artist of my canvas. I am patient and ensure that each stroke is perfectly planned. I am not in a hurry to finish my work; instead, I am patiently waiting for the masterpiece to be created.. ...

28 days until the stage.....

Once again I started my day with the familiar 45 minute dance I share every morning with the Eliptical in the corner. I think he's learning more and more to hold me up when I'm struggling through the last ten minutes. I thought today of the music that has helped me to make it through this 16 week journey with just 28 days remaining. I've danced to everything from Prince to Madonna with a few sad songs in between to reflect on my life. I've been holding the hands of the same machine when things in my life have caused me to float like a cloud in the sky; and I have held on when tears filled my eyes because of a heartache or a disappointment I'd felt or caused. It amazes me the power I have when I am surrounded with metal weights and intimidating sweat machines; yet when I become emotional and hurt, I become a child without direction. I know my will and I know where I am powerful. I know that the reason I will walk on that stage is because it's what I do....It's what I do to recover from pain, to celebrate joy, and to be in a place that I am in control. Some will say it's foolish; I say it's therapy. I say, I am sitting here with a set of abs, I could wash my clothes on...but a mind that is weary...I will have to be happy with the body that I create through the hard times....and celebrate the moments that have forced me to recover here in this place, my place, the only place where I know I can move that brick wall.....almost show time my friends....

30 days until the stage...

I share my thoughts with each of you in an exhausted state. I have chewed a whole pack of sugarfree gum tonight although I promised to kick the habit at 30 days out. My body is trying to fight back. It wants the yummy carbs that makes its eyelids fall asleep. My legs are aching from the two cardio sessions I have demanded of them for the past 3 weeks. I look in the mirror and know that there is only time for the touch-ups. The only battle left is the one I have with my mind. It's a tricky thing trying to convince your body that you can do without the things its accustomed to having. The final weeks change everything. My morning eggs and spinach miss the company of the oatmeal more and more as the days pass. My protein shakes are thin and boring without the yummy skim milk that accompanied them a couple weeks before. This is the hard part; the part where your will must beat the demands of your mind. You have to put yourself in the moment a million times a day. You just have to picture yourself on that stage and imagine the regret you would have if you gave in. I won't, I am a champion. I will not give in to a simple craving. I will walk out and know that I survived what others could not. Tonight, I win again..Determination is often the first chapter in excellence.......Shall we move on to Chapter Two?

5 Weeks until the stage

So this is where I get nervous. We can never see the sculpted physique that others see when we look at ourselves. I look in the mirror and see the hamstrings that only have five more weeks to reach their potential. However, I smile at the abs that haven't given in to the glory of sugar in weeks. They have rewarded me with a quirky chizzled smile. I see the shoulders capped out above my overly long limbs and I smile at the progress they have made. I have won; my body is responding to its hard work and is awaiting the final day to show off its efforts. I have managed to maintain every hard earned ounce of muscle while leaning out this time. I guess practice does make perfect after all. I haven't fixed my hair in weeks to amount to more than a twisted bun at the nape of my neck; hence the reoccurring cardio I do twice a day. Amazing the sacrafices we make to just brush the shoulder of one of our dreams. I think I might even get to shake hands with one of those dreams this time around. My heart explodes at the possibility..........:)

Opportunities...

Strive...Make the best out of every opportunity. I thought of the words as I read the invitation to attend the Cathy Savage Fitness Camp. I recalled all of the times that a judge had told me that I didn't have the posing down enough to show off my physique. I did my quarter turns once again in the mirror in front of me. My arms stiff as maniquin modeling the latest fashion. I wasn't supposed to look like a stiff model; I was supposed to look relaxed, even though, I'm flexing. I was supposed to smile, even though my lips felt like they were shaking under the lights...look forward when doing a side pose, not at the judges...flex your lats, even though they want to squeeze together; make sure your face is full and not too thin from dieting...but make sure your really lean......I thought of all the things I still hadn't mastered. I thought of the possiblility of becoming part of a team that could help me figure out these shortcomings that I have yet to conquer. A competitor is sometimes the only player on his field. It is a lonely game sometimes trying to win all by yourself. I think the time has come for me to humble myself and ask for the assistance that I need. A game is always more successful with great players on the same team. I have decided to join this team so that I can share my strengths and receive guidance on my weaknesses. I will not rush to the stage this time around...I will be a confident champion at her 100% next time I put on those 6 inch glass heels.....With a Team that helped me get there, yelling from the audience...

Football Sunday

I didn't sleep last night; the last time I recall looking at the clock, it said 2 am. My body is sore, and begging for a day off. I feel guilty for the cardio that I failed to do this morning. I opted instead to enjoy the Vickings'( hopeful) victory over the Cowboys. The show is officially 9 weeks and 6 days away. I think of the broccoli and chicken that awaits me for my next meal and twinge at the thought. I momentarily think of what everyone else will be eating on this football Sunday. Then I laugh at how great I will look and feel at the gym Monday morning and of how terrible the "I enjoyed the game with too much booz and chips crowd", will feel. I smile at my strength. I pat myself for being different, for making sacrafices. My show prep is successful today even with the cravings that come with not getting enough sleep. I vow to turn in early tonight and skip the after 4 pm caffeine that I had last night. The mind is a powerful thing if we can take a moment to guide it in the right direction. I smile at the second touchdown my Vickings have made and give in to the comfort as my fluffy couch lures me in. I tell myself just until the game is over and I'm out the door for cardio. Another successful day, with just a small compromise. I drift off for a couple zzz's and see myself walking across that stage with the swager of a champion...

Ten weeks until the stage...

So I return today with ten weeks remaining until I walk upon that stage. I'm not happy with the physique I see standing before me in the mirror. I recall the couple of times that I snuck in a piece of Christmas chocolate in the weeks that have passed me by. The eyes that look back at me are shameful; I sigh and look away. I add up the days once more and confirm to my conscience that there are officially 70 days... 10 weeks..... My overly compulsive mind starts to do the calculations. I add up the pounds that still need to leave my less than show ready body. I shake my head when the result is still 15. My mind sees nothing but numbers now...60 minutes cardio for 70 days equals 42,000 calories hmmmmmmmmmmm..it takes 3500 calories to lose a pound. So I smile that the end result for the weeks remaining is 12. I add in the calories probably burned for weight lifting and my obsession with pullups and know that I can still capture the win. I smile at the possibilities and the strength of the muscles looking back at me. I have defeated the mind that momentarily betrayed me once again. I walk by the mirror once more and see myself on that stage and know that I have made it through yet another hurdle. The mind is powerful, but the will is not defeated easily........

Victories of Tomorrow

The difficulties and struggles of today are what we must pay for the victories of tomorrow.Exactly the words I read as I walked out of the gym today. They came right after the word Commitment that rested right above the sprinter with his head down on the framed poster. Not only had my glutamine failed my overly sore back, but my motivation was more than in the dumps. I tried to talk myself into a rest day the whole drive over, but opted to get in my 60 minute cardio anyway. I headed to the same familiar eliptical that I always use so that I see the faces of everyone as they come into the gym. I turned on my MP3 to hear my familiar tunes that always drag me through my grueling hour. Only today was different, my body just wasn't responding, it was just begging for a day off. I think my MP3 was in on the plan as well, because today of all the days that it could fail me, it refused to work. So I started my overly quiet cardio journey once again. I usually try to think of cardio in ten minute increments and then I only need to make it through six of them; but today, I only survived 2 and a half of those increments. The hamstrings that I apparantly thought could be fixed in a day's workout were refusing to cooperate any longer. The demands that I had put on them two days before were just too apparant as I tried to make it past twenty five minutes. So, I stepped off my machine, and called it a day. I can say today is one of two things, it's either time to listen to my body, or reevaluate where my heart is. When we get to this point it can be hard to differentiate between the two. I decided when I ended my cardio that maybe it was my heart that just wasn't there and maybe it really was time to walk away. However, as I made it to the exit door and saw that sprinter with his head down, I realized that maybe I was mistaken. Maybe even the best athletes are just people, and we just expect too much of ourselves sometimes. We start to believe that our body doesn't require rest like the average person; that maybe we are a failure if we give in to some much needed rest. So today I was the sprinter with his head down, but tomorrow; I will be again, a well rested figure girl in search of the victories of tommorrow.

Don't feel like eating days

So today was one of those, I just don't feel like eating days. This is where it gets tricky; for most of the female population that wants to achieve that skinny, almost anorexic size zero look; this is quite convenient. However, when you are an upcoming competitor looking forward to that stage you have to prance across in "too high heels", this is not an option. The only thing that you are going to gain by skipping your, not so appetizing meal plan, is body fat; that's right the same thing we are busting sweat to get rid of every day. So I opt to measure the six ounces of chicken and cup of broccoli that I am scheduled for once again. I think how appetizing it would be with some ketsup but glance at the 4 grams of sugar and sit to enjoy my dry chicken and overly crunchy broccoli. I've been here many times before making the wise choice to eat my unsalted, unappetizing entre. I turn on the tv in hopes that a little entertainment will help the taste. I walk to the fridge and give in to a half a cup of diet soda and swear to myself I won't do it again for at least 14 weeks. I allow myself to temporarily fall for the deal that I have made with myself and have to admit it did lift my spirits a bit. It's amazing the big part that our minds play in the preparation for a show. No matter the caliber of the competitor, we all have that moment when we just want to eat something that we are not supposed to eat for our 16 week journey. The truth of the matter is, it's not that we really want that piece of chocolate that bad, it's just that we can't have it, and we as human beings have fought for what we couldn't have since the beginning of time. If we aren't supposed to have it, we will always want it more. Human nature is not a friend during figure preparation. There is no other time in my life that I would even think of wanting chocolate at 8 am in the morning unless I'm getting ready for a show. I think of my chocolate protein shake that I am supposed to have in 2.5 hours and decide to make a protein brownie out of it instead. I win again in my defeat against the sugar beast. He creeps up on me often when I am in the middle of show prep, but little does he know that Beverly Nutrition Protein has a taste almost equal to Betty Crocker herself; and what figure girl can complain when she gets to enjoy the taste of Betty Crocker? So, my fellow competitors, another day ending in victory; surely we are on our way to a more than second place trophy.

Throw in the towel days

So today was one of those days; the throw in the towel days, I think is the right way to describe it. I decided not to do the show in March. Of course, this probably the first of a hundred more times that I will say that before the show is here. It was a leg day and a stress day all rolled into one; and by the time I made it to cardio; I wasn't even going to the show anymore. This is of course, just one of my stages that I go through. I looked at my scheduled diet and had a protein shake, took a long shower, and tried to call my best friend for a much needed pep talk. Of course, my very best friend is not a personal trainer that gets to hang out at the gym all day and didn't have the time I needed allocated for some much needed motivation. See that's another stage of what we go through as competitors, we become selfish, and start to think that the world should revolve around us and our chicken and broccoli. So this where I catch myself and try to remember that competing is something that I do for myself and it shouldn't have a negative effect on those around us. So, as I always do, I regroup and think of my goals and realize that the lack of sleep is probably why I am feeling so down. I make a note to skip any further caffeine and try to get more sleep tonight. Almost as important as the workout itself is our recovery time; we can't recover without proper rest. It's challenging enough preparing for a show when we are at 100%, it's hard to expect a great performance from an exhausted body. So I checked the box for this day and say problem resolved and look forward to a better day tomorrow. I walk by the mirror, hold my head up high and applaud the muscles looking back at me waiting for their upcoming performance.